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Why Yoga is not a valid sport (or religion)

I have noticed more peo­ple mak­ing Yoga and I thought it would be good for me to make sure that peo­ple know, espe­cially for Christ­mas, that it’s not a reli­gion.  Then I real­ized that even more impor­tant than that is the peo­ple who think that it’s a real sport.  So in the name of every­thing Holy — I’m clar­i­fy­ing that it’s not a sport, and peo­ple who wor­ship Yoga should learn some­thing from this too.

1. Chil­dren do not do yoga because it is not fun

Admit­tedly, the absence of fun does qual­ify yoga for the def­i­n­i­tion of reli­gion, or reli­gious acts — but as we all know, all sports are based on some child­ish game taken to an extreme.  The Eng­lish game of Smash-bat, for exam­ple, is clearly a children’s game — but when peo­ple from Great Britain, like that Beck­ham guy, who’s mar­ried to Sporty Spice, who prob­a­bly has Yoga daily do it — it is not a game any­more — it is a sport.

Any game can become a sport — but a sport must have, at its roots, chil­dren hav­ing fun, so that angry men can play it for money later and hate each other on tele­vi­sion.  Yoga is not fun, and while it does talk about cats and dogs and other ani­mals in strange posi­tions a lot, it is not fun enough for kids.  Thus, it is not a sport… and since nobody would ever watch angry men on tele­vi­sion com­pet­ing for yoga points, it is not a sport again.

B. Yoga does not involve bells, chant­ing, or candles

All good reli­gions, and I’m exclud­ing the stu­pid ones, have at least one of the big three — bells, chant­ing, or can­dles.  Granted, yoga can hap­pen while peo­ple are chant­ing, but most peo­ple who dance yoga aren’t into chant­ing while they make it… same goes for can­dles.  I also fig­ure that since peo­ple are stick­ing their feet in their ears for doing yoga, they can’t spare a hand to ring a bell, so there are no bells in Yoga.  Since Yoga doesn’t have chant­ing, bells, or can­dles — it can’t be a real religion.

Third. I can’t per­form Yoga

Since yoga is all bendy and upside down, I can’t do it, I am likely too tall for yoga.  I can do reli­gion, I can do games that kids like — which also means that I can do sports — and since I can do those, but I can’t do yoga moves, I can surely tell that yoga isn’t a valid sport or religion.

Con­clu­sion

My sense is that even though yoga is a mar­tial art, and that’s cool — they don’t hit any­body, so that’s stu­pid — and a lit­tle gay.  But the bend­ing stuff can be cool, except that it hurts a lot, which makes it stu­pid again.  But mostly, with yoga being just some non-hitting mar­tial art, and not a reli­gion or sport — I won’t think about it on Sun­days, either dur­ing church (like sports), or after church (like reli­gion).  Merry Christ­mas (to all you non-stupid reli­gion­ers, and even you yoga users, too).