December 2003 Archives

Ok, so what happened to me in Africa? Was there an "experience"? Did I enjoy a spiritual enlightenment?

Yes.

It's all about the Holy Spirit and how He made me aware of my relationship to Him.

And this blog is a record of how it happened.

So a few months ago, Elizabeth "Utugi" Kamau was staying in my house with my wife. She is a dedicated servant of Christ and does a great deal of work with the Holy Spirit as an Intercessor. She lives in Kenya, and she is the woman I went to see.

Those people that know me know that I've been living for Christ actively for some time now, but like any Christian, I want to be able to serve Him more, to learn how to Glorify God through obedience and service. So when we had this amazingly spiritual person in our home, Kathy and I discussed it at length with her, asking her what could we do to "take it up a notch"?

At the time, I was making some exciting decisions in my personal and business life, decisions that I was directed to make by the Lord through my prayer life. But, like most people, my experiences with the Lord were intermittent. I would have "good days" and "bad days". On a good day, I would have a lot of time (even the entire day) with the Lord, thinking about His Word, His Will and what He wanted for my life. On bad days, I would wonder what I'd done wrong, how I could convince Him to do what I want, or what special prayer I could make to get what I thought I needed. So it was a roller-coaster ride.

Like any active believer, I learned that in times of trial, it was about praying to the Lord and eventually, after I'd calmed down, I'd hear Him clearly enough that I'd learn (not figure out, learn) what I was doing wrong and get back in line with the Lord's Will for me. Sometimes the resolution would come after a single visit to Scripture, sometimes it would come after days of prayer, complaining, fear, shouting and finally... surrender. But it wasn't clear to me what I had to "do" to get on the Lord's Path consistently... to have the strength to put the world aside and embrace the Spirit consistently.

So, Utugi understood the question better than we could articulate it, and she showed a wide number of passages to me and Kathy. Some of them were:

• Judges 13:24-25 - The woman gave birth to a boy and named him Samson. He grew and the Lord blessed him, and the Spirit of the Lord began to stir him while he was in Mahaneh Dan, between Zorah and Eshtaol.
• Judges 14:19 - Then the Spirit of the Lord came upon [Samson] in power. He went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men, stripped them of their belongings and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle.
• 1Samuel 16:13 - So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the Lord came upon David in power...


• Luke 3:21-22 - When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased."


• Acts 2:1-4 - When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.


In addition, I'd add the following:




1. Genesis 1:1-2 - In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.


2. Matthew 1:20 - But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.


3. Matthew 3:11 - [John the Baptist said] "I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire."

Notice a theme? Everyone who has done anything of "power" in the Bible (even including Christ) did so after the arrival of the Holy Spirit. The passage in Genesis shows that even before the Light was created by the Lord, the Spirit of God moved on the surface of the waters. The Holy Spirit is the Power and Presence of God.

Interestingly, modern Christianity often overlooks the significance of the Holy Spirit, relegating Him to some sort of strange "third" position in the Trinity. Many people even refer to the Holy Spirit as an "it", which is dreadfully wrong!

So Utugi made this clear to us that if we were to begin work as intercessors, or whatever the Lord had chosen for us, we were first going to have to have a true Baptism in the Spirit; pentecostal style. She talked of the experience, what it means to people, how the presence of God's indwelling has been known to instantly heal, drive people to tongues, knock them out flat, and so forth. Pretty heady stuff for an old-school Episcopalean like me.

But it sounded pretty cool, like the "secret" I was missing... maybe if I could go and get me one of these Baptisms of the Spirit, I'd have a more mystical relationship with the Lord, I'd be more in tune... see flames on people or something. So I was sold, and just needed to figure out how to get to Africa to pick up my souvenir of Spirit...

A week before I left, I was riding pretty high on the Lord's Word, and feeling pretty cool that I was going to travel all the way around the world to have a truly spiritual experience and get Baptized in the Spirit. And then an interesting thing happened.

A friend of mine at church had a problem, a serious problem, one that only I could help her with. It was something private, so I won't go into detail, but it was spiritually treacherous too... if I helped her, I might actually weaken our relationship, I might in some way skew the spirituality that the two of us shared. So I was pretty baffled as to what to do. Especially because the solution to her problem was something that only I could accomplish in the short time-frame needed.

I sat down with Kathy and we prayed to the Lord for guidance. He led me (coincidentally) to Judges 14 ... but the part about the riddle. I read the passage and all I could get was that the Lord was very clearly saying that He would tell me what to do in three days, not before.

So I called my friend, and I told her that I would have an answer for her in three days.

Then an amazing thing happened. I found myself alone with the problem and the Lord. Not a person could advise me, nobody had the blend of resources, experiences, and belief that I had that made me uniquely qualified to answer this specific problem. And since it was highly spiritual in nature, I was faced with having to turn to God for the answers. And the answers came. Wow, did the answers come.

He gave me a list of Scripture. I think it was something like 8 passages, each of which was specifically related to this complicated puzzle. The Scripture gave me the directions I needed, and the Lord guided me through it to know what to tell this friend of mine. Suffice to say, it was a very powerful experience!

I met her on the third day, told her what the Lord had told me, how He'd come up with the resolution to the problem (a solution I would not have come up with on my own, I confess wholeheartedly), and it was done. She was placed onto the path she needed and the Work of the Lord was completed. It was profound.

So then I headed off to Africa, lit up and loaded for bear.

My blog outlines a bunch of the experiences that I had, including the Lord telling me to get rid of my cross, my experience in Heathrow Airport, my opportunity to witness on the plane to Nairobi, and of course the mission across Kenya prior to the retreat.

What I haven't mentioned, and won't discuss in detail, is the rite of deliverance that we did when I first got there. Basically, six people gathered with me and prayed to have some seriously bad things removed from me, things that had been getting in the way of my hearing the Lord clearly. Things that had been stumbling me up for a long time. That was probably one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had, spiritually.

So, there I was, coming back from the mission, feeling a little alienated, a little alone, a little apart. We were supposed to get to this retreat, to discuss the Holy Spirit and culminate in a laying on of hands that would instill the Spirit in me (and about 20 other people). It was a two day retreat.

On the first day, I found myself in an interesting position. I found myself detached and apart from the entire group... and completely immersed in my relationship with God. He was talking with me, He was walking me around inside Scripture, He was introducing me to the living fellowship that I now have with the Apostle Paul through his writings; it was wonderful. I spoke in tongues, I sang in tongues, I started reading the Bible and didn't stop for about four hours. The Lord guided me away from the main room of the retreat and He and I had deep fellowship together, in spite of the retreat.

So by the evening of the first day of the retreat, I felt like I wasn't going to want to come back for the second day. Utugi asked me to come anyway, even though I wasn't getting a connection. So I did.

On the second day, it was "showtime". The service was about Baptism in the Spirit and it was a big deal. People were singing, people were jumping around, people were clapping and making joyous sounds on one side of the room and wailing in tears on the other side of the room.

And I was sitting in the midst of all of this in my own perfect spiritual oasis with God. I was reading my Scripture, listening to His Word, and just feeling like I wasn't a part of this thing that was going on around me. I was so far removed that I almost felt rude, almost as if I wasn't taking what they were doing seriously. Almost as if God was saying to me that this service was not for me. So I stood spiritually apart, listening to the Lord.

Then came the time for actual laying on of hands. Utugi came over, I was praying with the Lord inside my heart, and she came over and laid her hand on me. I felt the need to ask her forgiveness (primarily for standing aloof during this entire experience) and she said that she had already forgiven me, which was kind.

Then the Lord did something amazing...

I remember that the night before, Utugi had told me that God needs to break a person's will before they receive the Spirit, that the Spirit will not reside inside a willful person. I assured her at the time that I had already had my will broken...

... so here comes the Lord, I've had hands laid on... sock it to me, God.

And Christ said, in passing as He pointed at me to the Holy Spirit, "No, not this one..."

...and they moved on.

Excuse me? I beg your pardon? Did you say... oh no.

So I cried. I gently lay myself down in the corner of the room and I cried like a baby. I accepted that the Lord had set me outside the circle, that the Lord had decided to put me aside. I asked Him to take care of Kathy and the kids, and I committed to do whatever work I could do for him out here in the badlands. I was still a servant of God, I would just be among the broken and rejected. I cried.

"...are you finished?", the Lord asked.
"what?"
"Get up."

So I got up, picked up my Bible and wiped my tears. And realized so much all in a flash that I'm still processing it.

In short, by rejecting me, the Lord accepted me completely. I can't put it any more directly than that. He took what I had been, my will, my person, my "old self" and snapped it across His knee, in a second. All the "power and might" that was Malcolm Mead was less than a moment's hesitation to Christ. He didn't even break stride as he broke my will, my person, my life. He didn't even break stride.

So all that was left is what I have now. I'm with the Lord and that's all that matters. The old self is gone. I died at that moment, and in that death, I found the Person who has been here with me all along: the Person who had told me to make the decision I did in business, the Person who told me to give my Company to Him, the Person who taught me that my company had never been mine to begin with, the Person who brought me to St. Charles, the Person who took me to Cursillo, and BSF, and eventually even Africa, the Person who told me to get rid of my Cross, the Person who was with me in Heathrow Airport, the Person who used me to talk to two people who were seeking Him on the plane to Kenya, the Person who introduced me to the person of Paul the Apostle, the Person who was causing me to sing in tongues, the Person who took me down off the cross after I'd been broken and resurrected me by showing me that He has always been here, and He always will be.

Everything that had been my life was removed from me, and all that was left was the Holy Spirit. Malcolm was rejected, thrown away, set apart as unworthy ... and now here I am, filled and sustained with the Holy Spirit, knowing only His Will and knowing that as I move, it is because He tells me to move, as I think, see, realize, grow and learn, it is because He decides it.

...and I am learning what He wants for me. Mostly, what I'm learning right now is that He is commanding me to learn contentment. Believe it or not, that's what He's teaching me. He's teaching me to just sit still, calm down, be at Peace with Him... and it is enough. It is more than enough. It is everything I want, and everything I need.

So what does this all (and the thousands of other verses in the Bible about the Holy Spirit) mean? What does it sum up?

It sums up the purpose of this whole endeavor, it outlines why I went to Africa and it explains why Christ died for you. The Lord resides in us as the Holy Spirit, and He only comes to us through the Salvation that was fulfilled in Christ. That "living relationship" that you see in believers? That's the presence of the Lord in our hearts, that's the indwelling of the Holy Spirit Himself, who is the manifestation of God in our lives. When someone has the Holy Spirit, that person has become a vessel for the Lord, a Temple for Him to dwell inside (1Cor 3:16), and is living a life in constant fellowship with God.

Still grappling with why Christianity is a good idea? Still wondering how anybody could believe in it so much that they'd be willing to die for it? I mean, come on, would you die to be a Republican? Would you die to be considered a liberal? Either thousands of martyrs are just mentally damaged, or there's something very real hidden inside all of this. Well, this is it.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could have a constant, ever-growing, permanent connection with the Real God? Wouldn't it be great if you could know that every single moment of your life, God is present and with you, not just as an idea or a set of moral codes, but as a living person, a person more real than you even, going every step of the way with you?

Welcome to the point of the exercise, the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in your heart... a heart made clean of sin by Christ's Sacrifice. It is through belief in Him that we can be cleansed by His Blood and made ready for the arrival of God Himself, in the form of the Holy Spirit.

One thing you'll notice in all the passages above (and any others that you find by searching on "Spirit") is that in the Old Testament, every "arrival" of the Holy Spirit is said to be "on" the person; while every reference in the New Testament is said to be "in" the person. Except Christ. Before His birth, He is the only person in the Bible who is referred to as being made "of" the Spirit. It is this very essential relationship between Christ and the Holy Spirit, this mutual identification, that makes the Holy Sacrifice possible.

Look, the Power and Presence of God are represented in each of us as the Indwelling and Abiding of the Holy Spirit. It is His arrival that gives us a direct connection with God the Father, and it is Christ that makes it possible by cleansing us of the sins that are in us. God will not abide with sin. In fact, for those mediocre post-moderns who believe that sin is just the absence of God, then in essence God "can't" abide with sin.

So by having sin in our lives, we are incapable of having God in our lives completely. So what to do?

Well, along comes Christ, whose Blood washes us, as the saying goes. But what does that mean? Is Christ some sort of eternal washer-woman, scrubbing us clean of sin all the time? No.

He teaches us the very lesson that I learned in Africa... it is only through death and rebirth that we can be made pure in the eyes of God, and this resurrection enables us to have the living fellowship with God that we all crave.

But what I really learned (among all the other thousands of things that are still unfolding before me) is that we can't do it. Even if you completely understand the point of dying to yourself, of giving in completely to God and turning your will and your life over to Him, it is only God who can make us die to our old selves. I mean, think about it, if you're made of your old self, how can you negate what you're made of? It'd be like a snake eating its own head until it was gone. What we are made of cannot die to itself alone. In essence, it must be sacrificed for us... through the example and true Sacrifice that Christ completed before we were born. When we become willing to become unified with Christ, one in the Body of Christ, committed to the Holy Fellowship with Christ, we become willing to become the same as Christ. Yes... the same as Christ.

And what does that mean? Well, if you truly become the same as Christ, which can only happen if He enables it to happen, then you become a person who has died completely and for real, been saved by God, made pure and resurrected into a new and eternal Life with God. When you accept the presence of God through the Holy Spirit, you accept the identification with Christ (aka the Body of Christ). All at once, you accept the Power that is able to Resurrect you Spiritually and in a real way, you die to your old life, you are brought back to a "New Birth" and you are complete.

Then, after the dust settles and you begin to see what's happened, you see that you have become one with the Son, who is already one with the Father, and thus, through the ministry of the Holy Spirit, you have a living, personal Fellowship with God Himself, in you... all the time.

Moment by moment, second by second, God is with me, and He is teaching me. He's teaching me while I write this... He is the one who is showing this all to me right now, and making it available to you, dear reader.

God is always with us when we die into Him, when we give up our old selves completely and give in to Him completely. The world tries to call us back, but we need only surrender again to the Lord and we are saved... and every day it gets easier to reside in His loving arms, learning from His heart, hearing His Word.

...and preparing to do this for eternity...

God is Good, all the time :)

So I'm back in the States, have been for a few days, and for some reason, I'm feeling worse off than when I was in Africa. What's that all about?

Here I am, in the lap of luxury, and I feel worse off than when I was in a place where one out of five toilets worked right.

Well, one of the things that was definitely to my liking in Africa was the way that everyone was in it together. That even though there were "bad guys" roaming around, the group I was in met, talked, had a purpose and was pursuing God's work every single day.

Here, it's so easy to get lost. With TV being so large in our lives, with every creature comfort on hand, you get soft fast. Here's how it feels.

You go away to camp. When you're there, you live in a tent, eat rougher food, and every day you commune with nature, go on hikes, interact with other people who are working hard to get along also. You focus on what's inside each other, not what's outside. If a person has a phone, that's a big deal. Most people have the clothes on their backs, a few books maybe, and a purpose to make things better.

Then you come home. The bed is softer, the TV is on, the food is always present, rich, and varied. Well, you get into a rut very fast.

I don't want this life. I don't want the life that just has me sitting around eating bon-bons. I want a purpose, a direction, a reason for existing.

I personally believe, having returned here, that God put these resources in my hands for a reason. He made this stuff available to me not because I deserve it, or I need extra toys... but because He also made me so I wouldn't want it so much at this point. I want to use these resources for His Purpose, not mine.

So that's why I'm writing this little blurb on the blog. Because it's 5am, I'm sitting up enjoying my QT (Quiet Time) with God and He's telling me to write... write anything ... just write.

...meanwhile, for anyone who's still reading this blog, I will probably have a separate page sometime soon with all the pictures I took ... especially the safari pictures. I'll make a link for it here in the blog.

I know I rambled a bit on the blog, and I still haven't gotten to all the things that happened, but I guess that's what the blog is for: to get my ideas down in a raw format. I hope this is of some entertainment to you, but really it's supposed to be for me.

That's an interesting point about a blog. It either drives you into "writing for other people" mode (e.g. worrying that you might not enjoy this content), or it gets you to a place where you don't care what other people think about what you're writing and you just write (which is the key to good writing, btw).

So, if you want to keep reading the blog, I'm certain that there will be more about Africa, more about my own thoughts working for the Lord, and so forth... but at this point, I'm home, I'm trying to figure out what I learned and it's more about me with my thoughts... or something :)

Hope you're enjoying the blog.

Ok...

Let's talk about "talking to God" ... or more significantly, listening to God.

I've mentioned it a lot myself, and one of the things that is said a great deal around intercessors is "the Lord told me".

Now, how could anyone in their right mind believe that God is talking to them? How can you live your life believing that God, the Almighty central force of the universe, is going to stop and chat with you? You'd have to think pretty highly of yourself to believe that God takes the time, right?

Well, no. Actually, you'd have to think pretty highly of God to believe that He can pay attention to so much all at once. In fact, He sees it all simultaneously. He sees the past, the present and the future, and still He wants to talk to you (and me). What's that all about?

Well, God tells us in the Bible that He wants fellowship. He created us in His image and He wants us to worship, adore, follow and commune with Him forever. (See John 13:4 for details) In that verse and the following ones, the Lord puts on the garb of a servant, actually nearly a slave, and washes the feet of His disciples. What's that all about? Shouldn't we be washing His feet? Shouldn't we be stepping and fetching for God, not the other way around? How is his being a servant a form of our adoration? Well, God needs to reach us first, and fix us, "un-break" us, before our worship will be at all meaningful. Imagine the praise of a convicted murderer... is that of any value? Well, what about the praise of a repentant convicted murderer?

God wants to be in our lives. He wants to guide us, lead us, teach us, watch us grow, like His children. And any parent will tell you, to be a loving parent, you become a servant. You carry, you provide, you fix, you console, you listen, you feed. Why? Because you love.

So, here's God, who loves us, is willing to serve us in order to take care of us, and is all-powerful.

Does that make it any easier to see that maybe, just maybe, if He wants you to hear him, He can make it happen and is willing to go to any lengths to make it happen?

Well, yes and no. God made us able to defy Him. In fact, He made us in order to defy Him. He has known all along that we'd be here, sinning and questioning His existence, He knew it when He created this situation.

So why'd He do that? Well, the short answer is to gather greater Glory to Himself. God deserves worship and adoration. But if everything adores and worships Him because it has no choice, well, there's no "value" in that to God. So He creates creatures that can choose not to love Him, then wins us over to Him... and that makes our Love of value to Him. When we finally succumb and give ourselves over to Him completely, give everything we are, will ever be or ever have been to His use, then we finally begin to have worth in the eyes of God, which of course is the goal for us all, isn't it? To have eternal worth... to have a "reason" for being here? So, in a complicated way, the demand for worship from God is a gift to us from Him, giving us a Purpose that will satisfy us for eternity... we're here to worship God and reflect His Glory back to Him.

He uses everything He's got to get us to turn to Him, because He also knows that there will be a time when the option is no longer available, that we won't be able to choose Him anymore. Since He loves us, He works in every single moment to get us to find Him, surrender to Him and embrace His Love.

So...

Each and every moment of your life, every thought, fantasy, idea, experience, perception, taste, dream ... God is in it, trying to reach you. Other things may be there too, but somewhere, in each kernel of time, God is present, waiting to be found. If you consider a single moment in your life ... try this one, right here ... you will see that somewhere in it, there's a message from God particularly geared to you, pointing at you and your immediate circumstances, and teaching you what you need to know to get back to Him.

I want you to consider just how far away into the darkness we are. God is God, ok? He's like some sort of infinite ball of light blazing through all eternity in a huge corona of power and Glory... eternal and undeniable. Ever powerful, ever present.

Now you and I, we're so far into the shadows that we not only can't see that limitless fire of Love, we can't even imagine it... we're so far away that we struggle to imagine whether it even exists.

That's pretty bad. That's dark. That's so dark that we're sitting just a millimeter away from oblivion, but it's too hard to see that.

Now imagine that your kid has gone into such a dark place that he's forgotten you exist. Imagine he's in the dark, standing on one foot on the edge of a cliff that he doesn't know is there, but you do. What do you say?

He doesn't even know that your voice is real, that it's not just his own voice in his head. Your kid is sitting in darkness so profound that if he moves, he's lost for good.

What do you say? How do you reach him?

well... first and foremost... you say whatever he's listening for. If he's expecting music, you speak in music... if he's listening for psalms, you speak in psalms ... if the only thing he'll believe in is a well-timed rainbow on a sunny day, well, that's what you put in front of him. You've gotta reach him, any way that you can.

But it's so dark where he is, that even if you reach him for a split second... he's back to the darkness the next split second. He has a "moment" where he feels closer to you, then he's back to the darkness, and his paycheck, the rent, the girl next door, the war, whatever... and he's lost track of you again.

So you keep talking... hoping he'll listen for two seconds in a row...

... and slowly... by choice, by circumstance, or by direct intervention ...

he starts to hear you... and listen...

what do you say?

"I am the way, the Truth and the Light... follow me"
"Here is my Word, believe in it"
"I am"

...but c'mon, Malcolm, how does God talk to you? Is it a voice? An inkling? Random patterns of color? Coincidences? What is it?

Well, the answer is this:

what, dear reader, would you believe?

So after posting that last post... I turned on the TV, and there's some woman discussing the Scripture...

She is talking about the Spirit of the Lord leading people, guiding people...

She even said that a minister she knew was checking with "his prophet" for guidance and the "prophet" told him that he wasn't getting his daily "prophesy" which is why he didn't feel good....

to which she chuckled and said "No!", it's about the Spirit being inside. She is talking about her "guide inside".

I just find it an interesting coincidence that this is what's on TV right now :)

(continued from previous post...)

Well, I'll tell you something. I think the horn woke up the wrong folks, cause after that, everything got hairy. So lesson number one, when doing spiritual battle, try to stay low-key :)

Ok, so at this point it was nightfall, and we were in Eldoret and needed a place to sleep. We had planned to be farther along on the trip, but we were still relatively ok, because there was a place known lovingly as "the White Castle" that was the house of a very devout Christian family.

Here's what it looks like in the daylight... what a blessed place!

I know that hospitality is one of the gifts of the Spirit, but I've never really experienced it personally before on a spiritual level. This house was awesome. The matron of the home had organized it so that there were a lot of bedrooms available and a central gathering room which was organized to present food and have fellowship. From what I understand, all sorts of pilgrims, intercessors, missionaries and so forth stop off at the White Castle all the time, so their home is blessed with a great deal of very interesting Christian work on a regular basis.

When we got there, there was a local pastor there with his kids. We all spoke until about 10pm, and then I had to crash, it was late for me.

In the morning, we had Kenyan tea (which is great, by the way, nothing like the stuff we drink at home :) and some sandwiches and we were ready to go. That's when the "fun" started.

Then we all piled into the car, and were headed on our way.

We stopped at a gas station to check the air in a tire and get "petrol".
There was an attack at the gas station. A pretty big one. I almost left the country, and go figure, right at the moment that I was half-heartedly looking for a bus at the side of the road, one rolled up and the conductor waved at me to get on board. The Lord commanded me to stay.

Which is exactly what I did... thank you Jesus.

So, we all drove around in silence for about an hour.

... so I opened my Bible and started reading...

... and the Lord started talking to me very clearly through the Scripture...

He started making it clear to me that this was what my trip was all about... that hearing Him here, while reading Scripture, while praying, while meditating; this is what it's really all about.

Some of you know that I came here for a Baptism in the Spirit, which is often the time that a person first begins to "hear" the Lord, and speak in tongues and so forth. Well, anyone who's been around me for the last year knows that the Lord has been walking in my life pretty clearly, so why go all the way to Africa to get officially Baptised in the Spirit?

Part of it was the excitement, no doubt. Maybe there'd be something I'd never realized before... or some new understanding or "vision" that would set me apart and let me really see and hear the Lord. Well, yes, that did happen, but not in the way I expected (of course).

I had come to Africa, in part, so that Utugi, who is clearly living very close to the Lord, could show me how to interact with God through the Spirit. But on the way, I learned some things.

1. Utugi, and the Vanguard, are just people, like all the rest of us


2. The only person who is ever going to teach you how to talk to the Lord, is the Lord


3. God wants nothing as much as He wants to have fellowship with each and every one of us, directly and personally


4. If you seek Him, no matter how far away you go to find Him, you're going to realize that He's found in the closest place to you that there is... your heart

It's very easy to get worked up on the ceremony of things in the Church, but the reality is that the Lord is looking into your heart and watching what you're thinking and feeling. If I had gone to Africa for an interesting light show, I would have gotten just that... a light show.

If I had gone to Africa expecting nothing to happen, I would have gotten just that... nothing.

But I went to Africa, expecting and hoping that my outlook would change, that my understanding of my relationship with the Lord would be changed and that I would come back a different person. And that's what the Lord gave me...

So, there I was in the car, realizing that the only true friend I had to listen to at the time was the Lord, as He expresses Himself in Scripture. That's not to imply that the other members of the group weren't my friends, but we're all bent. None of us is true, in the sense that a plank of wood is true, or a straight line is true.

So if we're all susceptible to the adversary's attacks, who can we rely on all the time? Who can we turn to without fail? You got it... God.

Wanna know where that little realization came from? The Lord explained it to me while I was reading Scripture. He wrote it into my heart in a way I'd never really understood before, and I found myself doing something I'd not expected... I found myself running scared into the arms of the Lord.

And He was waiting expectantly for me when I got there, just like the truest Father there is.

... So here I am, having a private dialogue with the Lord about His Grace, His Peace and His Salvation, while "out there" everyone in the car, that I had expected to be my teachers in this thing were running hot, holding silent anger and just pale in comparison.

So I guess the moral of this little part of the tale is that we are here for fellowship with each other, that we are here to love one another, but we are never here to become the be all and end all source of knowledge for each other. That honor is reserved for God. If you find yourself following a single person or group and thinking that they are the only way, you're creating a very subtle idol in your life. More often than not, theyre doing it without their knowledge, but it's happening all the same.

It's called cult of personality, and the Lord explained a great deal about it to me on the rest of the trip. It's funny... I went looking for the Lord in Africa, and He was with me before I got there... my trip was all about getting it dumbed-down enough that I could understand that He's already here :)

Praise the Lord, even in adversity, Christ is King :)

(gotta pack... more later)

Sorry for the long delay. This post is the last one I'm gonna do while still on the road. I'll probably follow up with one more big post when I'm home, full of safari pictures and stuff like that... so it's worth checking.

Meanwhile, here's what's happened thus far.

I went on a spiritual mission with three members of the Vanguard Ministry. The purpose of the mission was to address a vision that some people had in the Vanguard during a prayer session. The vision was that the entire country of Kenya was "hanging by a thread," and the laypeople of Kenya needed to pray.

It seems that, about a year ago, a similar call went out, primarily because the government was corrupt in Kenya (Kenya, at the time, had the dubious privilege of being rated the 3rd most corrupt country in the world). So Christians across Kenya prayed daily for the nation, and changes began to occur. Discoveries were made, people were brought in and the nation received a newly elected government that was bound to do better.

Now, Kenya has moved to 18th most corrupt nation in the world, but its economy has been decimated. 25% unemployment, and a new wave of government corruption have generated new problems and an expectation that it will take 5 years to come out of the tailspin.

So the Vanguard, which does intercessory prayer, began to pray. And really interesting things have been happening.

The first day I was here and awake, the Vanguard members grabbed me and said we had to go to the Safari Resort (which is the finest hotel complex in Nairobi) for breakfast. It was very clear very quickly that I was being "invited" because I was a large westerner who would not be doubted or questioned at the gate.

So in we went.

When we got there, we had breakfast alright, and prayed constantly (while smiling and nodding and passing the salt) against the government meeting that was going on at that moment in another part of the complex. The President of Kenya was on the grounds meeting with representatives of the IMF (International Money Fund), discussing a $1Billion loan to the government that would result in 48,000 lost jobs in Kenya. Such a loan was considered a bad idea by most citizens of Kenya, but the government wasn't listening.

So there we were, in proximity, praying against the loan while we had breakfast. It was a little surreal, primarily because I wasn't even a guest of the hotel, but I've seen enough movies to know to chat up the serving staff and give big tips, so nobody bothered us.

Just as we were leaving, a very interesting thing happened.

We had seen a man working on the pavement in the grounds, being overlooked by two security guards touting shotguns. The Lord put it on my heart to go back and say hello. When I turned around, there were three shotgun carriers, and I was a little nervous. But the Lord told me to go over and ask them if they were Christians.

So I went back, asked them if they were Christians, to which they all responded yes, and I introduced myself. They all told me their names, but the man who was kneeling and doing the work was named Naboth; which is the name of the man that was cheated and killed by King Ahab in the 1Kings. An interesting coincidence that the one man I was meant to go and talk to had the same name as the man in the Bible who represents the evils of government greed.

So...

The next day, even though everyone knew that this unwanted loan was going to go through, the IMF suddenly changed their minds and gave a lot of reasons why they were no longer interested in giving the loan at this time. Score a victory for the Lord.

Having had an introduction like that (crashing a presidential party to pray against the IMF), I was ready and willing to go on this cross-country mission to notify churches and pastors that people needed to pray. The vision, as I mentioned before, was that Kenya was hanging from a thread and people needed to pray (not intercessors, but the actual laypeople of the nation) to avoid falling into a grave darkness.

So the four of us piled into a car and headed out of Nairobi. Just like that. Pack your bags, we're off to save the planet (or something :)

Now the first thing you have to understand is that the roads are... really bad.

So traveling on them takes a LOT longer.

Anyway, we were just gonna drive through the country, stopping at various churches and hopefully inciting pastors to get their congregations to pray. That was the plan.

So the first day, we passed through some really gorgeous countryside:

and handed out fliers to get the word out. The Vanguard members were smiling a lot because this was different than normal intercessory prayer missions. Normally, they sneak into a place (like the Presidential meeting) and pray under cover... but this time they were walking right up to pastors and churches and handing out fliers. It was a different call they were receiving for the Lord.

So, on the way, Utugi (my host) was calling ahead to find out who was around and would be able to receive their message. About mid-day, we reached Nakura, which is a relatively large town by Kenyan standards. While we were there, we stopped off at a diner that was run by a friend of Utugi's and grabbed a little lunch.

While we were there, a couple showed up who happen to be involved with a national circuit of intercessory prayer groups throughout Kenya. So we gave them a bunch of fliers and they headed off to spread the word.

A good day's work. We headed on to Eldoret, and night fell. Once there, we stopped off at a large tent-church (probably could seat a few thousand) and gave the message there also. Utugi also blew the shofar (which is a big horn) ... and I fear that's when the enemy figured out we were around, because the next day, all heck broke loose...

stay tuned

Ok,

I'm having trouble getting to the CyberCafe regularly here in Nairobi. I fly out tomorrow at 11pm (that's Tuesday/Wednesday) so if you're reading this, hang tight... I'll have a dedicated high-speed connection in my hotel in London and I'll get a lot done there (I hope).

Basically, if I want to do anything interesting from here... I have to resize the pictures I took... burn them to CD, walk across town to the cybercafe, load them onto the computer and then upload them to the blog using a web interface, which is a bit slow.

SO! Hang in, hang out and I'll be back with pictures, stories and way too much on the blog in a day or so...

God Bless!