So, a close friend of ours at church is in trouble, healthwise. She had something akin to a stroke, she's only in her 40's. They sent her home a few days ago, and we all had a sense that things were getting better for her.
Then, today, out of the blue, she had another episode, and they had to medivac her to the hospital at Harborview.
I wanted to do something, I wanted to make a significant prayer, something to really "affect" the situation, make a difference, be profound. I wanted to get involved.
But God had other plans.
So first, He made me sit still at home, just dealing with the news. I wanted to get in my car and go over to her house, help our Pastor, just be of some use; but God made me try to fix my lawnmower first, He kept telling me to stay at home, stand still, stop trying to DO and just be.
Well, I really got this feeling that He was almost setting up my timing, making me wait for just the right second to go.
So, then the thought crossed my mind that I needed to get some plumbing supplies, which was ok, and oh, by the way, I would probably pass by her house on the way... coincidentally...
So God let me get in the car...
I prayed a bit, I told Jesus how confused I was, and I headed out.
My car had little or no fuel, so I had to stop, add more time and delay.
While my gas was pumping, I went into the store to buy a roll of Rolaids, add more mystery time.
Then I was onto the road that God was letting me go on, just driving. I almost turned around, I almost went back and did what He had wanted me to do, but I didn't. And then it happened...
You see, you gotta understand something...
God had told me to sit still... I was the one who had come up with the idea to get plumbing supplies. God had given me every opportunity to do His Will, and I made excuses and justifications that got me going there.
So when I had heard the last call to turn around, to head back, and rationalized my way past it, a pickup truck drove by in the opposite direction and something flew out of it's bed... no wait... that's a bird!
I immediately pulled over... the bird was on the road... I looked and no cars were coming...
I grabbed a sheet from my trunk and ran to the bird... without delay I scooped it up and put it by the side of the road... and started to pray.
I did one of the most childish things I've done in a long time -- I laid my hand on the clearly dead or dying bird, and prayed for God to let it live, to give it life, to just make it be ok.
...and that's when it hit me...
...what God had been telling me all along...
there is nothing I can DO about anything...
it's ALL in His hands...
...I can't bring a bird to life with a prayer...
...I can't make my friend better with a prayer...
...I can't do much of anything alone...
Prayer is not a magic trick... prayer is a way of talking with God, and He listens, but He really listens, and what He heard this time was that I want to be needed, I want to be involved, and I want to fix things.
But I can't do anything against His Will, and that means that I shouldn't be praying for my friend, I should be praying for myself... that I will be of service to God as HIS plan moves forward, not mine... that I will have the strength to obey HIS commands, and not convince Him to do things that I want...
I'm a servant, that's all. I've never seen a household where the servants spend all day submitting requests to the Master of the House... have you?
Well... He let me see that with the perfect timing of the bird...
then He let me drive past my friend's house, right at the moment when she was being taken out of the house on a gurney... He timed that too...
Then, He didn't punish me for my lack of faith, or my lack of faithfulness... instead, I talked with the Pastor... and Fr. Duncan was remembering that he had to go and see someone else also... another friend who just came home from surgery and is recovering.
So I asked if I could go for him, since the Pastor had to go to the hospital with this woman's mother; Fr. Duncan said that would be helpful and fine.
So I went to see my friend Tom, and we visited... it was a beautiful day, and he and his wife shared some quiet time with me...
...and after a little while, he pointed out that his computer wasn't working well... and I offered to fix it.
It was a wreck, filled with spyware, lost passwords, resident background memory hogs, the whole nine yards. I spent a few hours fixing it.
So, you see... God let me feel needed after all... but in His way, not mine. Now my recuperating friend can use his email again, and reach out to his friends and family.
Don't fight God, it's ALL in his hands.
