Now what?

Ok --

So on my trip across the country, I realized something; well, I realized a whole hell of a lot -- but I'm only gonna talk about this right now. I realized that I'm a creative guy sitting in the middle of what a lot of people would consider a pretty good life, and I'm whining that I have nothing to do and nowhere to go. Well boo hoo.

You know, when I was in my 20s, recovering from the madness of my teens, I really had something to say -- I wanted people to care, I wanted people to stop hurting each other and start loving each other... seriously. I had all that warm in my heart, all the need to be heard, and all that wicked PASSION that still takes me over the wall whenever someone that I love needs me...

My brain drove me, and well, I was into it. It was like breathing after being under 100 feet of water, coming out of that garbage ... all of the sudden, I wasn't just able to be understood -- I was able to do things that others couldn't... but there was a price...

I was pissed off. Seriously pissed off at just about everybody and everything.

You probably don't know this (I'm working on the assumption that there's about 10 people who might read this), but I've been hurt by just about every sector of life and society at one point or another...

I went to boarding school, filled with the most elite families and kids in America, and was physically and emotionally beaten for my troubles. I escaped that, turned to the "bottom classes" for solace and had my soul held ransom by people who just saw me as a dollar sign. In between, the average Joe would just stare at me and wonder what the hell was wrong with me, and the average Jane would cross the street to avoid me because well -- I was pissed off.

Ok ... so boo hoo -- like I said. But the point of all that is that I realized to myself just how key it is to LOVE -- because that's the only thing that kept me alive. So, at that point, I'm figuring just about everybody in the world knows what LOVE is, and I'm just looking for a way to write something, to say something, to be a part of the big celebration of capital L - Love. Boy was I wrong.

Well, in my time from there to here, I learned that people want Love, but fear each other. That's it. Say that out loud. People want Love, but fear each other. That's all I've got.

The journey to here included me realizing that I wasn't about to be a starving writer, and I wasn't about to be a starving shrink -- so if I wanted to write, I'd have to become independently wealthy or something ... so I could be free to write what I want, when I want, where I want, about whatever the hell I want and not fear reprisals.

I needed my voice to be free ... I needed to write from the heart without a single care -- so I could get a statement out there and everybody'd know I'm not just another dick selling love and pretending it's Love.

Wanna know something funny?

I almost missed the last turn ... I almost forgot what the hell I was doing it all for... how I got here. S'funny, isn't it? Life is what happens while you're making plans, as John Lennon put it.

Well, step #1 is getting my words limber again ... and that, my friend (someone I love) -- is what I realized on my trip across the country ... that the time has come for me to turn on my creative again ... to get my noise going ... and say something... so that's what I'm doing here -- and gonna try to keep doing.

I'm starting by staying up late, primarily because I like it, I'm more creative at 1am, and nobody can tell me I can't... and just spew words into posts...

Maybe I'll even talk about Love ... since I'm alive because Love saved me.